The Mike Dillard blog

It Is Not okay, Cupid


I just turned 58-years-old and have always been nevertheless simply clicking ladies faces appearing on okay Cupid, one of the more popular net internet dating sites. No times went beyond a number of, but i’ve some good stories to share with. Here is my favorite and most horrific which i telephone call SCREENSAVER GIRL:

I took Screensaver woman to a seafood bistro in Sheepshead Bay. The talk was common for a first okay Cupid date. A Q&A followed by the parts of the life tales that weren’t as well revealing. We persisted all of our discussion as we went across the bay. All of a sudden, she bent over the steel fence over the perimeter associated with the bay and regurgitated throughout the mother of a swan household.

Was it the calamari? That renowned squid? That knows. All we realized was that Screensaver female switched the swan’s white drop by dark green. After a few mins, she lifted by herself support. “I’m very sorry, Barry. We destroyed a good night.”

“never sweat it. No hassle.”

I understood what was coming. Screensaver female lived in Westchester, a two-hour trip by shuttle as well as 2 trains. One hell of a schlep.

“What have always been I going to perform? I’ve have got to lay.”

Lay where? Inside my disgusting basement hotel space? Paying attention to the perpetual grinds of automatic washers?

If I invited her here, what is the odds of an extra date? Ah….nil.

There clearly was no option. “you can lie down during my place if you like.”

Place? Perhaps not an apartment. Not even a studio. A room!

“Oh, can I? You sure I’m not imposing?”

“No, generally not very.”

We strolled for the motel and moved around.

“Hey, Barry. You misunderstood me. I do not wish to visit a hotel to you.”

“No, no. This is where I reside.”

She had been completely baffled at this stage.

“we work right here. The particular owner gives me a-room.”

“Oh, okay. I assume.”

We wandered the steps as a result of the cellar into my place.

“This is when you reside?”

“Yea, I know it isn’t really good. You don’t have to stay here if you don’t should.”

“how could you remain that automatic washer sound?”

“you can get regularly it.”

“possible sleep with this?”

“Yea, not a good sleep, but yea, I get a couple of hours.”

A good solution might be if there seemed to be a readily available area upstairs she could stay in by by herself, but i cannot do the opportunity. We frequently get the full residence. Can’t put the woman there following inform their she’s got to vacate. And she actually is expected to learn about the Hos.

As she endured indeed there, i really could tell she didn’t know what doing.

“It is only one night. We’ll remain.”

“you could have the bed.”

“No, I can’t accomplish that. Cheers, but Really don’t should put you around like this.”

“Not at all. Kindly. I will be more comfortable invest the the bed.”

She looked over the fold-up twin bed with a plastic support with no package spring season. “Okay. Thanks a lot so much, Barry.”

After a game of Yahtzee, Screensaver Girl said her tummy had been injuring and desired to retire for the night. It actually was merely eight-thirty.

“Yea, naturally.” She had been call at twenty minutes, regardless of the roar regarding the automatic washer. We created a blanket on the floor, study thirty roughly pages of “Existentialism for Dummies,” decrease asleep soon after and had an aspiration I became Gregor Samsa metamorphosing into a giant insect.

While I woke upwards, I saw my laptop computer on a small solid wood dining table that had been put beside my personal makeshift sleep. The screensaver is a photo of me! (She started using it from okay Cupid). And acquire this—there’s a love tune associated the aesthetic of my full-screen face. She believed it was an enchanting motion, I guess, however it terrified myself. I imagined I was into the movie Simple Instinct! She checked me personally lovingly, so happy with by herself. I managed to get up out of bed and looked like a deer in a vehicle’s headlights.

“Kindly, just take that down,” we pleaded.

“Just What? What exactly is incorrect?” she innocently asked.

Okay, today, this might be as well crazy. “You will need to keep,” I shared with her.

With a puzzled appearance on her face, she approached the door and questioned, “exactly what, you’re not walking us to the bus?”

Whatever justification we made use of, Screensaver lady was eliminated, although not for long. She known as me personally a couple of times and that I didn’t collect. This wasn’t DIAL-A-PSYCHO. I have reached have that “blocking” element back at my telephone. And block out the memory of Screensaver woman.

Share this post with your friends


About the Author:

Mike Dillard

Creator of The Mike Dillard Podcast

Tagged With: